


talking to the moon

by tothemoon



Category: Free!
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Light Angst, Literary References & Allusions, M/M, Pining, Reunions, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-14
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-17 08:00:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2302388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothemoon/pseuds/tothemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Makoto wants to talk about the future, and Haruka will not have any of it, but it’s nice to know that they’re both still unsure about things. They are the sun and moon, still wandering about under the same sky. It’s what Haruka tells himself anyway, until it hurts too much to think about him.</p><p>This is a tale in which Haruka and Makoto have a falling out, but the sentiment is still there, two years later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Iwatobi

  

  **i**. **i'll** **swim in the sky with you**

Haruka hopes Makoto can’t read his mind all of the time.

Literature is the last class of the day. It’s summer, prime time for swimming, and Haruka does not want to discuss _Taketori Monogatari._ He hasn’t even bothered reading the full version of _Taketori Monogatari_ , and he doesn’t plan on doing so anytime soon. He has seen enough television specials to know that it is about a moon princess, but he does not find any interest in pursuing the story further. Princess Kaguya could walk around the moon and Saturn’s rings for all she wanted. Haruka just wants to swim. He checks the clock, realizes there’s still another ten agonizing minutes to go until class ends, and lets out a small sigh. He consciously stops his foot from tapping the hardwood.

Haruka stares out at the sky, blue as blue could get, wondering why he couldn’t just swim there. Clouds had water, didn’t they? Didn’t they make storms? Sometimes he read mythical stories about fish flying through the clouds like they did the ocean, and that makes Haruka think: what if there were no stars or planets or anything of that sort? What if it was just a watery infinity hanging right above their heads, ready to swim in whenever you wanted to?

Thoughts like that usually satisfy him. Things are different now though as third years, and he has only recently started to understand—what it was exactly though, Haruka cannot fully grasp. All he knows is that it makes his skin crawl, and not in the same way the water electrifies him when he dives into the pool.

He shoots a glance over at Makoto, expecting to see the profile of a boy paying attention. After all, literature is his favorite subject. He enjoys the stories about Princess Kaguya. Instead, Haruka spots Makoto staring straight at him with those soft green eyes of his, letting out a few noiseless chuckles out—“ _you’ll swim soon enough, Haru-chan,”_ he seems to say telepathically _—_ before letting his gaze fall back to the teacher. Makoto always knows what Haruka is thinking—even if it’s just a stupid, passing thought about swimming in the sky. Haruka averts his gaze from him and stares back at the sky.

It’s one of those days where he can see the sun and the moon together, in the same blue expanse. The moon is crescent shaped, white, and the sun is a bright orb in the sky that Haruka can’t quite look at. 

Sometimes Haruka feels like the moon in the day. Quiet, disappearing into the cool azure without a word—the moon gets to swim in the sky, he thinks, with a small amount of passing jealousy. So does the princess in _Taketori Monogatari_. The longing for water, however, is not what he is thinking about right now.

Haruka sneaks another glance at Makoto again. This is the part of his mind he hopes Makoto can’t read: if Haruka is the moon in the blue, then Makoto is definitely his sun.

Science says that in the daytime, the sun partially illuminates the moon. 

 _Partially_ does not mean to describe anything, Haruka thinks.

Makoto stares at Haruka again over his shoulder. The warmth is unwavering. 

Haruka thinks, _“Please don’t read my mind this time.”_

 

**ii. the secrets of the moon**

The game is paused, and the younger Tachibana siblings have gone to bed for the night. Makoto says he only needed to stop the game for a second to rub his eyes, so Haruka watches his four goldfish swim at his desk until he waits for Makoto to resume things. After a good two minutes, he realizes that Makoto has gone exceptionally quiet.

Haruka looks over at Makoto, who has fallen asleep with the controller still in his hands. He has his head on the bed, his hair still a little wet from his shower before. His glasses are slipping off his nose. He sleeps rather soundly, his chest rising and falling with each inhale and exhale. 

Haruka sneaks a small smile, covering the evidence by holding his fingers to his lips. He gets up and turns the gaming console off before sitting down next to Makoto, facing him and observing the sleeping boy. Haruka feels a little safer now, because Makoto can’t dare to read his mind while he’s asleep.

 “Makoto.” Haruka says simply, keeping his voice as quiet as possible. Letting the word escape his lips sends a sort of static crawling up and down his back, ending with that familiar heat in his ears. He has probably said his name thousands of times by now, but it sounds different to him this time. He covers his lips again in fear that he’ll say something more and backs away slowly. Makoto barely stirs in his sleep, grinning slightly. He mouths something that Haruka can’t make out.

Under the sleeping boy’s head are the practice tests he wanted to try out tonight, but he never ends up taking them. The guidance counselor gives them out for free sometimes, and Haruka tells himself it wasn't that serious anyway. Haruka also feels the strange urge to rip them up, but the idea is irrational and unfounded.

That unsettling feeling is prickly now, just behind his ears. 

Just how many times left would he get to say Makoto’s name?

“Makoto.” The word, _his name_ , is both a ringing hallelujah and the cause of a near-death experience for Haruka Nanase.

He decides to leave, abruptly thanking Makoto’s mother for dinner and finding his shoes at the door. He runs all the way home, all the way into his bathroom, and sits with his knees bent in his empty tub. He buries his head in arms and exhales heavily.

He thinks about _Taketori Monogatari_ again. He thinks of the princess, and her eventual return to the moon. She had left by the end, everything irrevocably transformed. _What an insignificant story in his life_ , he thinks, but the idea of departure still rings clear in his head. Then he remembers Makoto reading him a bit of it. And then he remembers scolding Haruka for not paying attention.

_“Haru! Come on, we have discussion about this tomorrow!”_

_Haru_. Makoto must have said Haruka’s name thousands of times, too. _Haruka. Haru-chan._ Haruka wonders if he ever counts.

The phone begins to ring downstairs. Haruka knows it is Makoto calling for him. He goes downstairs, hesitates with his hands over the phone, and picks up on the last possible ring.

‘ _Hey! What’s up? Mom said you just took off. Everything okay?’_

“Yeah.” He answers.

There is a pause on the other end before a small laugh emerges from the static. _‘Why’d you even leave?_ ’ he asks. His voice is lighter than usual, probably because he has just woken up.

“I wanted to eat more mackerel.” Haruka lies.

 _‘More mackerel?’_ Makoto asks. It is an incredulous sort of question, but Haruka can tell there is some relief in his voice.

Haruka doesn’t answer.

 _‘Are you coming back?’_ he asks simply. 

Haruka thinks about it. There is nothing he wants more, but he can’t bring himself to say yes. 

“No.” Haruka says. “I should go to sleep.”

 _‘Ah, that’s okay then. I’ll see you in the morning. Good night, Haru.’_

“Makoto.” Haruka says.

_‘Yes?’_

“Nothing. It's nothing.”

 

**iii. solar flare**

Summer lurches on.

Haruka tries not to think about it, but he can’t deny that he understands now. He sits alone on the stairs leading to his house, where Makoto won’t find him because of his work at the swim club today. He has a wrapped bento from his mother on his lap, and then he’s wondering if he should even go over to give it to him, but decides he might as well. Makoto must get hungry, and it’s not like Haruka has anything special to do. It’s not important, but then Haruka knows that, well, it is.

“Makoto.” Haruka says out loud. He practices different inflections, tries to be more like Kisumi with his soft, lady-killer voice, and then tries to be gruff and cool like an action star, before he realizes he’s being silly. He doesn’t understand why he’s being so self-conscious about all of this. Haruka feels like he’s said his name millions of times by now. 

He just needs a distraction.

_“Another scout called for you today, Haru-chan!”_

_“Make us proud, Nanase-kun.”_

Haruka understands now. He clenches both fists on top of the lunch box and takes a deep breath and dreads thinking about going to school. It’s not even just the daunting task of actually reading _Taketori Monogatari_ now, or trying to find any new swim club members. Haruka likes these kinds of burdens, the type he can ignore and release, but he only feels a dull pain in the back of his head when he thinks about his future plans. It is a perpetually nagging sensation.

He gets up and makes his way down the stairs. He thinks of Makoto again. Sometimes he tries to sneak questions in about their future, and Haruka will not have any of it, but it’s nice to know that they’re both still unsure about things. The sun and moon, still floating about. Let the others talk.

Still, he can’t shake those whispers of change. The guidance counselor’s voice looms in his head. He thinks about what he wrote on the career survey. Strangely, he thinks of Princess Kaguya, running away to the moon. _Leaving_. And then he thinks of Makoto, the 200-meter race at regionals, and that feeling that things were only moving forward from here—and not in a direction Haruka is prepared for.

Haruka makes it to the swim club and decides to push the idea out of his mind. Makoto is wearing his uniform, waiting around in the lobby. He looks good with the little children that approach him. When he spots Haruka, he offers a warm wave and a smile and runs up to him.

“You forgot your lunch. Your mom asked me to bring it to you.” Haruka says.

“Ah, thank you, Haru! You came all this way!” Makoto looks genuinely pleased and takes the box from Haruka.

Haruka turns his gaze to the side. “It was nothing.” 

Makoto doesn’t have so much time to speak with Haruka, being at work and all. He’s busy, and he seems a bit exhausted, but he seems happy. Makoto, naturally, is good with children. Haruka thinks he’d make a good teacher in the future.

 _No, no no._ Haruka shows a little frown to no one in particular, accidentally scaring a little boy waiting for his mom. That dull pain returns again, to the back of Haruka’s head. He tries to shake it away, but the sensation doesn’t leave.

Flee floating, aimlessly in the sky. _Both of them_.

It’s what he tells himself, anyway.

 

**iv. faded moon, setting sun**

_I’m going to a university in Tokyo._

At one point, Haruka Nanase had thought himself as the moon.

Haruka has a week left until graduation, but school drags on all the same without any hope of finality. As much as things have changed, Haruka still finds class relentlessly boring. He stares out the window and scans the clear blue sky. Haruka is determined not to look to his right.

Wait, what was Haruka thinking about again? _Ah_ , yes, the moon. On this particular day, he finds the pale white crescent behind a thin wisp of clouds, barely visible. He remembers his silly thoughts. He remembers being jealous because the moon got to swim in the blue expanse all it wanted, without being bothered. He has no more desire to swim in the sky.

There is no more racing. Iwatobi had come in third at nationals and that was it for Haruka. He still swam in the pool until autumn came, and he still tries his best to recruit more members for Rei, Nagisa, and Gou, but at the end of the day, it is over. The seniors have made their decisions.

Makoto is leaving for Tokyo in two weeks.

Haruka is staying in Iwatobi.

Australia was not a hallelujah for Haruka. In fact, it only confirmed that he would never, ever go professional. Rin has taken the news rather well this time around, mostly because he is too excited about his own prospects, and Haruka is relieved. It is nice to see Rin this way, comfortable, a stark difference from last year when he first came back to Iwatobi. That sort of change is not the type that brings that dull pain to the back of Haruka’s head.

Change. It is a refreshing word in some instances, like with Rin, but most of the time it only brings knots to Haruka’s stomach. No, it is like getting stabbed repeatedly until his lungs deflate. 

Haruka succumbs and looks to his right, calculating the best way to appear casual about doing so. He leans his cheek against the palm of his hand and glances over at Makoto, who is intent on listening to Amakata-sensei go on about the virtues of Confucius.

Makoto exchanges a polite smile with Haruka before looking back to the front in a near instant.

He used to hold his gazes, Haruka thinks.

_I'm going to a university in Tokyo._

Haruka still thinks about that night. He had expected to make up with him not long after that like they always had, but there still hasn’t been that sort of reconciliation. It only adds to that strange pain in the back of his head, and he can still remember the stinging in his eyes from crying so much that night.

He _still_ can’t even think about fireworks.

There is no more walking home together. There is no more late night video game sessions, no more waiting by the stairs. No one wonders where Makoto is when Haruka walks down the hall by himself. They hardly speak—just the two of them—anymore. Questions are raised about each other, through text messages and casual conversation, but it’s never direct. A world of space has turned into two universes’ worth.

Nagisa says it feels like a divorce and Rei agrees.

Class ends shortly after Amakata’s longest speech to date and collective sighs can be heard around the classroom. Haruka usually waits for Makoto to leave the room first, but this time Haruka feels his presence linger a little while longer than usual. Everyone is starting to flood out of the room, but Haruka can still feel Makoto’s warmth with him.

“Haru,” he says softly. Haruka can hardly stand it. He does not know what to do. He remains seated because his legs are too wobbly to stand and run away. It’s not like he wants to again, anyway.

“Makoto.” Haruka says back, still staring out the window. He dares not look at Makoto. He is afraid of what he’ll see.

A silence that even Haruka feels uncomfortable with follows.

“I’m going to miss you, you know.” Makoto practically whispers after a good thirty seconds or so. There is a slight crack in his voice, the same Haruka heard on the night of the obon festival.

I _have_ decided. I _have_ decided. I _have_ decided.

Haruka can feel his heart make its way up his throat. He wants to throw up, cry, and scream all in one instant of time, but he has to remain composed. He can’t do this here. There is so much to say, but the years of unspoken and telepathic communication have left Haruka short in the verbal department. He doesn’t know what to do. Makoto usually speaks for him, after all. _The sun illuminating the moon_. What a silly, stupid thought.

“Okay.” Haruka chokes out.

Haruka finds himself running out of the room. He looks to see Makoto, staring down at his desk in defeat. “ _No, that’s not what I mean at all_ ,” Haruka thinks, but he lets his feet carry him anyway. Haruka doesn’t stop until he finds himself in front of the school swimming pool. He leans over the water and tries to stop himself from crying, but the effort is useless. 

 _“Can’t you read my mind?”_ Haruka asks.  _"Makoto?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fan-fiction ever and I'm just REALLY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THIS PAIRING AND I'M WILLING TO TRY FOR THEM. This fic is set during random points of season 2 and after infamous episode 11. 
> 
> Also: in writing this, there was a heavy dose of sad Kingdom Hearts music playing in the background, mostly "Dearly Beloved" on loop. I'm probably going to name one of these parts Dearly Beloved because I can. "A Sky Full of Stars" by Coldplay was also a thing.
> 
> This whole fic will revolve a bunch of extended moon/sun metaphors because I'm awful and unoriginal but I just have a ton of feelings about spacey-sky imagery and I'm just gonna run with it until I crash and burn. Also, originally I was going to write in Makoto's perspective, but everyone else here does it so well and I wouldn't do him justice. I have a little bit of an easier time writing in Haruka's perspective (3rd person) because I'm honestly a lot like him when it comes to emotional expressiveness. I aim to be more subtle about their love in the beginning because it's a slooooow build and I'm trying to keep that slice-of-life lightness, too. 
> 
> ANYWAY sorry for this useless endnote. Comments are encouraged and thanks for reading!


	2. Step by Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes on the train going home, Haruka still thinks about folklore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is set two years after graduation. Haruka's training to be a chef and he's in Tokyo now, but he still hasn't heard from Makoto in ages.

 

**i. the separation of deities**

Haruka is in Tokyo now.

It'd been two years, Haruka finally finds a way to describe it. It’s a random thought that comes into his head one night, when he’s on the train going back to his apartment in Ebisu and he’s about to fall asleep. The Yamanote line trains always fill up quickly at this time of day—it creates this murky feeling in the air because everyone is so closely packed together—and as a result, Haruka can hardly breathe in it. He usually drifts off into a dreamless little sleep until his phone alarm wakes him up for his stop.

When the mind wanders, it always leads to things you’d never think you’d think about. Creation stories are one of those odd little things for Haruka. The Christians have Adam and Eve, the Scandinavians have Odin and Ymir—it’s always a pair of two gods, maybe harmonious in one instant, but ultimately separating in the end.

He thinks of Japan’s own creation story. _Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi_. Everyone knows it. By legend, Amaterasu was the goddess of the sun while Tsukuyomi ruled the moon. Stories say they used to live in the same sky before a falling-out caused Amaterasu to leave the moon-god, and that was how day and night were created. _Day and night_.

As far as Haruka is concerned, there are never any stories about the sun and the moon reuniting. He stares out at the night from over his shoulder. It just isn’t possible.

 _The sun illuminating the moon._ What a silly, stupid thought he used to have.

According to legend, Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi split because the latter killed the goddess of food in some horrible, depraved fashion. (Something about Tsukuyomi and chewed food and different _orifices_. No thanks.) Admittedly, Haruka would never kill anyone, but sometimes he feels like he has when he thinks of him.

 _Makoto_. He opens his eyes and types it out on his phone because he doesn’t want to say it out loud. He hasn’t been able to for a long, long time. It feels like murder.

Sometimes Haruka will walk behind someone in the city, and he’ll look a lot like Makoto from the back. Whether its on a busy train platform, or a shopping center, or while crossing the street, Haruka will always quicken his pace, as if he’s running after him, but in the end it’s never Makoto. Sometimes the stranger will turn around and Haruka will find that his nose is too big, or he has some hideous facial hair, or his eyes aren’t green like his former best friend's.

The city isn’t small. It’s not so easy to walk side-by-side with someone here.

Haruka leans over his backpack and decides to go to sleep. He still has a ways to go before he reaches Ebisu.

 

**ii. smoke signals**

 

Haruka isn’t such a fan of the café where he works at, so he decides to pick a different place when he meets Nagisa and Rei for lunch. The waiters give him funny looks when he shows up in a chef’s uniform, but he doesn’t care too much and meets his former teammates at a table by the window. The sun is strong today, a little too bright for Haruka’s liking, but it isn’t the end of the world. It kind of reminds him of the beach, actually, so it’s okay.

“Haru-chan!” Nagisa flails both his arms out excitedly. Rei looks a lot cooler, drinking a cup of tea with his pinky up—and Haruka guesses it’s a move he’s calculated for aesthetic purposes—but he still puts his drink down on the saucer to welcome Haruka warmly.

“Drop the chan.” Haruka says almost instinctively before feeling the heat race to his ears. He hasn’t said that to anyone in a long while. Nagisa offers him a sympathetic smile and looks at Rei. They seem closer than ever, but that’s probably because they live together now. Both of them are attending the same university in Kyoto, and they’re visiting Tokyo for the weekend.

“Say, are you still swimming, Haruka-senpai?” Rei asks, his eyes wide behind red glasses.

Haruka nods. “I swim at a community club at night.”

“ _Only free_?” Nagisa asks jokingly.

“Only free.” Haruka repeats back to him plainly. The waitress comes by with three menus and Nagisa suddenly switches his attention, eagerly pointing out the desserts before anything else. Rei scolds him about eating more balanced meals.

Haruka pretends to scan the menu even though he’s not particularly hungry. There’s a question resting on his tongue, one that he’s been meaning to ask since last night, when Rei first called about getting lunch. _“Just ask the stupid question,”_ Haruka scolds himself. _“Come on.”_

“Where is he?” Haruka asks with his eyes still fixed on the menu. He still can’t say his name.

“Who?” Nagisa asks. “ _Makoto_?” The sound of his name is both a choir and the jumbled clanging of piano keys.

“Yes.” Haruka never refers to anyone else. He gets enough letters from Rin, who’s really focused on the upcoming summer Olympics. Sousuke’s with him now too, so it’s nice to know they’re together as well.

“Ah, well, you know, he’s teaching and all. Or is he a teaching _assistant_?” Nagisa ponders. “I forget, but all I know is that he’s busy most of the time. He said he wanted to come today, but it just couldn’t work in his schedule.”

“Oh.” Haruka says. He tries to clear the lump in his throat. He hates to admit that he loves hearing these little tidbits about what Makoto’s been doing, like he’s still a part of his life, but it still hurts to try to fill in all the other blanks. Those thoughts always drive him crazy. _Is Makoto sleeping well? Does he like the kids he works with? Does he still go home a lot? Does he ever visit the white cat? Does he still swim too? Is he dating anyone?_

 _“Does he ever think about me?_ ” Haruka feels the sentence form on his tongue, but he doesn’t dare to ask this one.

Everyone orders. Haruka gets mackerel, a predictable choice for him, while Nagisa orders cake and Rei gets a salad. They all enjoy each other’s company with inane chatter for the next twenty minutes or so, even though more questions just keep popping up in Haruka’s head. He tries to ignore them. 

It almost feels like home, the three of them talking like this. _Almost_. Nagisa glances up at the empty chair next to Haruka before Rei does the same. A silence looms over the table.

“You guys never speak, huh?” Nagisa asks. The question hits Haruka hard, harder than he’d like to admit, but he keeps composure and calmly puts down his chopsticks.

“It’s nothing.” Haruka still has a habit of averting his gaze. He leans his cheek on the palm of his hand and looks out the window. He’s embarrassed and sad and angry and annoyed all at the same time for no reason. No, _no_ , of course he knows the reason.

“He asks about you a lot.” Nagisa says simply and calmly for someone so easily excited. Haruka can’t help but look surprised at the two of them, but he quickly tries to relax his face and settles back into neutrality. His stomach is in knots at this point, though.

Rei nods. “And it’s not like we can answer for you. It’s not the same, you know, because we’re all doing our own things, and we can tell him the basics, but I think we always end up disappointing him. We’ve probably disappointed you too, haven’t we? There’s more you probably want to know.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Haruka says.

“You know it’s true.” Nagisa chimes in, before putting cake into his mouth.

Haruka doesn’t argue, but he doesn’t say anything else either. There is too much in his mind. Nothing more is said about Makoto. Shortly after though, the rest of the meal returns to a state of inane chatter, because no one at the table wants things to remain _too_ awkward. They see each other too rarely as it is, but Haruka still notices the tension at the table and the emptiness of the fourth chair.

As the three of them get up to leave, Nagisa slips something into Haruka’s hand. It feels like a piece of ripped up paper. He knows instantly what this is.

“Give him a call.” Rei says. “I think he’d be happy about it.”

 

**iii. a point on the horizon**

 

Haruka curls up in his bed with the piece of paper in between his fingers. He still doesn’t like using his phone, he _never_ did, but he admits that its something that’s necessary when living in Tokyo. He wonders if Makoto uses his phone a lot too. He wonders who he calls and who he texts, and if he uses an abundance of smiley faces. Haruka throws his phone back onto his bed and digs his face under the covers.

Silly, stupid thoughts, questions easily answered with a phone call.

Why do people fall out from each other’s lives? This is a question Haruka asks himself a lot. Sometimes he blames himself for taking advantage of Makoto’s constant presence. Sometimes he blames Makoto for moving away in the first place and leaving him behind. Ultimately, Haruka knows that this is just how life plays out, and that sometimes that’s all it is. Haruka also knows that he can get off that train to nowhere whenever he pleases.

He knows he has to call Makoto. 

He still replays that fight in his head with startling clarity. Haruka still hears Makoto’s pleads to listen. Would Makoto even want to hear Haruka’s voice at this point?

Haruka types the number into his phone. He presses backspace a few times, and then types it in again. He presses the green call button and waits for the dial tone. He imagines Makoto sitting at a desk, making lesson plans, or laying around in bed like he is.

On the fourth beep of the dial tone, Haruka hears a click and bolts up in bed. 

 _‘Hello?’_ It’s Makoto. Of course it is. His voice sounds hesitant because this is an unknown number to him.

“Hi.” Haruka says simply, but breathlessly. He covers his mouth for a moment to try to calm his breathing down. It’s been two years. He thought this would be easier by now.

There is a silence. _‘Haruka?’_ His voice sounds half-hopeful, but still holds that same caution from before.

“Yes.” Haruka says again.

 _‘It’s really been a long time.’_ Makoto remarks. Haruka can hear a sigh from the other end.

“Yes.” Haruka scolds himself for all of these one-line answers, but it is all he can manage.

 _‘Still not much for words, huh?'_  

“Nagisa told me to call.” Haruka says.

 _‘He did the right thing. I’m happy.’_ Makoto laughs. It is light and warm, just how Haruka remembers. He blushes and lays back down, lightheaded and half-alive. _I’m happy, I’m happy, I’m happy._  

“You could have called me.” Haruka says, in a bit of a huff, but he can’t stop the smile from forming across his face. He buries himself deeper under the blankets as if Makoto can see him.

 _‘Like you would have picked up! You never have your phone on you.’_ Makoto jokes. 

“I use it more now.” Haruka says.

 _‘I see. Guess things really have changed, huh?_ ’ The question is quiet coming from Makoto. His voice is both pleasant and sad in its usual lightness. Haruka feels that familiar prickly feeling at the back of his head. It’s one he hasn’t felt since high school. 

Haruka is tempted to hang up without another word. Makoto said it himself. There were changes that could not be undone. Change. Haruka still hates that word when it comes to Makoto, a boy he’s known since his definition of forever. 

_‘Haru?’_

“You’re wrong.” Haruka says simply, before hanging up. It’s all he can muster after two years of silence. He needs more time. He hopes that Makoto can understand that, or maybe he’s reeling too. It's all about the baby steps.

"You're wrong," Haruka whispers again, this time more for himself than anyone else. He closes his eyes and lets his phone slip out of his hand. Maybe Makoto isn't Amaterasu and Haruka isn't Tsukuyomi. It was a dramatic way to see things anyway. There is always a way back.

"You're wrong," he tells himself once more. There's a smile he can't shake from his face. It's a sort of hope he hasn't felt in a while, and he falls asleep clutching onto it.

Things haven’t changed that much. 

After all, Haruka is in Tokyo now. They're under the same sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this, I was still using the Kingdom Hearts piano collection as my general soundtrack. There's an equal mix of angst and hope that I found wildly appropriate for this ship. (Especially Dearly Beloved. Don't get me started on that song.) However, if I was going for a lot more angst, I would've probably put Sakura Nagashi by Utada Hikaru on loop. RIP me if I ever do that.
> 
> I also draw a lot of inspiration from one of my favorite writers, Haruki Murakami. Although I'll never be good as he is, I like his contemplative style and his use of allusions (although he draws from western influence.) I learned more about actual subway lines in Japan from his newest novel, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage, and my knowledge of folklore stems from English lectures and a Japanese History seminar I took like two years ago, haha.
> 
> I also draw a ton on experience from something I've just gone though myself, actually. There's still a feeling of separation even though you're both in the same city, because there's just too many damn people. The parts about walking faster to catch up to a stranger, pretending to casually ask about someone, all of those questions? It's something I've recently gone through for the first time, and it was a catharsis to write out. This ship just does me wonders in the sneakiest of ways. My entire existence hurts.
> 
> Also, this is probably going to run for two more chapters? I'm not sure. Thanks for reading!! (◡‿◡✿)


	3. Cordial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We might as well be strangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that the haiku in the beginning is a translation from the Japanese poet, Issa, and that it won't match up to the 5-7-5 syllable format that its supposed to if it were written in English!
> 
> Also, considering tweaking parts because I'm not completely satisfied but that's okay whoop whoop

**i. good morning**

  
A day after his phone call with Makoto, Haruka is filled with a dizzy sort of hope.

He even swims in the morning that day (instead of at night with his usual routine) and goes into work an extra fifteen minutes early. He still wears his usual expression, but a fellow line cook can’t help but notice that Haruka’s assembling entrees with a bit more zeal than usual.

 

**ii. superstitions**

  
A week without a word from Makoto, Haruka comes across a haiku on a flier on his way to class. It’s mixed in with random classifieds for club meetings, and he doesn’t mean to be disrespectful to the literature club, but he rips it down when he accidentally reads the attached poem. He doesn't like it one bit.

_Don’t weep, insects –_  
 _Lovers, stars themselves,_  
 _Must part._

No, Haruka doesn’t consider himself superstitious in the slightest bit. This is just a precaution.

**iii. neon in the dark**

 

Sometimes Haruka sits in the aquarium alone. He likes the pool by his apartment well enough, even though they blast dancey pop music through the speakers, but lately he has been too lightheaded to swim. It is seven fifty-three in the evening, almost two hours since getting out of class, with no particular worries in terms of school or work. He has taken out the garbage and eaten well for dinner. He even remembers to mail a letter out to Rin. And yet, Haruka finds himself anxious for no discernable reason. 

 _No_ , that’s not it. He just doesn’t want to admit that he’s getting worked up over a phone call.

It has been two weeks since he curled up in his bed to speak to Makoto. His number still rests in his phone under recent calls, but he still doesn’t dare to add him to his contacts just yet. Haruka clutches onto his phone as he stares out at the jellyfish, replaying every instant of that painfully short conversation. Mostly he just blushes at the way Makoto still calls him _Haru._

His screen lights up in the dark as he hovers over Makoto’s number.

Two weeks. It’s felt like infinity to Haruka. He wants Makoto to call.

Haruka sighs and puts his phone away in his pocket. Maybe it was a fluke. He gets up from his seat in front of the jellyfish and decides to stroll around the aquarium until closing time. There is nothing better to do anyway. He’s made his rounds to see the sharks and the jellyfish, before realizing he hasn’t seen the new coral blooms exhibit. _“Why not,”_ he says to himself.

The coral reflects a barrage of color through the water, filling the dark showroom with subtle neon hues. Haruka feels like he’s watching fireworks again. 

 _I’m going to a university in Tokyo._ The unwanted memory jumps out at him again.

Haruka _is_ in Tokyo now. This shouldn’t even be a problem anymore. The thought of fireworks, or neon in the dark, shouldn’t hurt like they still do. He shouldn’t think of Makoto’s button-down green shirt, or that crack in his voice when he says he _has_ decided.

_Under the same sky._

Doubt creeps up his skin, digging in with little clawed feet. Haruka settles himself down against the glass, sitting on the ground as other visitors give him strange looks. He closes his eyes and blocks it out. He feels lightheaded again. More people walk past him.

“Haru?”

Oh, _no._ Haru recognizes the voice instantly.

 

**iv. the iron curtain and the great eclipse**

Makoto insists that he’ll pay for coffee, but Haruka has no desire to drink his. The two of them sit outside the aquarium, on a bench by a fountain, where silence looms over them under the weight of a bustling metropolis. Haruka sneaks a few glances over at Makoto, finds that he’s content with drinking his coffee, and loosens his own shoulders. Maybe it’s a comfortable sort of silence. He used to know those, but he still can’t help but feel on-edge.

“Sorry I haven’t called.” Makoto starts. 

“It’s okay.” Haruka says, finally sipping his coffee. He almost burns his tongue from sipping it too quickly. “You’re busy.”

Makoto laughs a little. It’s that same little laugh, bright and airy and made of pure light.

“Busy doesn’t even begin to describe it. Elementary school kids have so much energy, you know. Sometimes I go home with this aching back. I feel like an old man.” Makoto complains, rubbing one of his shoulders as he does so. “I was actually here to book a trip to the aquarium for the kids. Took two trains just to get here!”

Haruka cracks a small smile, but he hides it behind his cup of coffee. He hopes Makoto doesn’t see. 

“How are _you_ enjoying Tokyo, Haru?”

 _Enjoying_ wasn’t the word. He didn’t hate it, but it’s not like he was in love with the city, either. “Well enough.” Haruka said. “Lots of cooking.”

Makoto leans over a little back, maybe to stretch his back, and with this Haruka gets a closer look at him. His eyes are still the same green as they ever were, but his smiles are more subdued than before. 

“Nagisa did mention that. I’m happy for you.”

There it is again. _I’m happy_. Haruka wants to feel the same way, he had convinced himself he could now, but things still feel, well, _off_. They’re side by side again, having a snack break by the water, and Makoto is laughing the way he used to laugh, but Haruka can’t shake that lightheadedness. He can’t shake the burning behind his ears, nor can he stop his legs from shaking. Something is different, and this _something_ is creating walls that Haruka cannot see through. He feels like he’s in high school again. 

“Happy.” Haruka repeats the word back to him. “You’re happy here, then?”

“Well, _working_ on happy.” Makoto sneaks in one of this signature head nods. At least that’s still the same.

Silence looms between them again. Haruka wonders what Makoto is thinking about and then he questions whether or not his former best friend can still read his mind. It was something that Makoto was gifted at during their time at Iwatobi. Haruka looks over at his former best friend, who only stares at him right back, without a single word. The smile fades off his face, slowly, and he reveals the same look he gave to Haruka under the fireworks. 

_I’m going to a university in Tokyo._

_Do whatever you want!_

“You look like you want to run away again.” Makoto says finally.

Haruka doesn’t run this time, but it’s not like he wants to stay, either. 

“Look, it was all in the past. Things are different now, aren’t they?” That polite smile returns to Makoto’s face. It’s forced and uncomfortable and Haruka hates it. He’s saying what Haruka’s wanted to hear for two years, but it sounds foreign to his ears.

 _No_ , Haruka gets it. They aren’t allies here in Tokyo’s sprawling world. They are neutral. _Cordial._ A small telepathic link remains, psychic enough to understand that that’s what Makoto wants. He wants _cordial_. He wants the occasional text message and the annual holiday gathering. He wants to be acquaintances, barely skimming the surface of each other’s lives.

 _‘You’re wrong.’_ Haruka thinks again. _‘You’re wrong, you’re wrong, you’re wrong.’_

And to think, Haruka had said those three words a week ago with hope. What a silly, stupid thought.

Haruka feels Makoto let go of his wrist all over again, under those _damned_ fireworks. Then he rewinds back to all those times he’s helped him out of pools and bathtubs. He remembers always walking home together, _under the same sky_ , along the beach, up and down the stairs, into and out of doorways. To shrines, to school, to everywhere in between—this was where Haruka belongs. He belongs with Makoto. He knows this.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to say.” Makoto says. “I’ll join you guys for lunch next time. I should get going.” He gets up from his seat on the bench and smiles one last time at Haruka.

“Makoto!” Haruka musters all the strength he has to say his name. His call is breathless, and short like a desperate staccato. Makoto turns around for a moment and sighs.

“It’s been two years since I’ve heard you call my name.” Makoto remarks with a smile, the saddest Haruka’s ever seen.

He still ends up leaving after that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, again, this chapter hurt to write not only because of the ship itself, but because of that real separation I feel as a person in my early twenties. Everyone is out there doing their own thing: some people are focused on work, some on love, some on a million things at once, and I wanted to convey that things are a lot more complex for these two boys in Tokyo. Haruka thinks he can go back, but Makoto doesn't. It always hurts when someone intentionally creates distance, doesn't it?
> 
> (I mean, rest assured, this isn't something Makoto wants, entirely. no way no way no way)


	4. Iwatobi, Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day turns into dusk in the small town of Iwatobi.

 

**i. the sentimental moon**

_  
"Matsuoka Rin has just placed second in 2016 Summer Olympics for his work in the 100-meter butterfly." _

Haruka figures he'll have to go back to Iwatobi for this.

The television is loud and blaring in his apartment tonight. He never usually has it on, but Sousuke had given him a call during the day to remind Haruka to watch the race. He wonders if he did the same for all of Rin's friends, and he thinks about how each of them are watching at the moment.

Nagisa probably has t-shirts printed up for his entire apartment complex. There's a party going on in the hallway, and the landlord has probably already yelled at him twice for being too loud. He doesn't care, though. He's also bought three different cakes for the occasion.

Rei is probably sitting in the same hallway, but is probably too wrapped up in all his research about Rin's wingspan to really enjoy the party. Haruka pictures stacks of scouting reports alongside colored balloons and streamers. Rei is typing away on a laptop and complaining about Rin's form. "It's not as beautiful as mine was!" he'll say, to no one in particular.

Nitori's probably got his eyes glued to the television somewhere, maybe in his own dorm. There is a strong possibility he's even gone back to Samezuka just to watch Rin race. Even though he's improved well enough as a swimmer in his own right, Haruka still imagines that Nitori will never stop admiring his former swim captain. Also concerning Samezuka, the Mikoshiba brothers are probably trying to look for Gou in the stands.

There is no question that Sousuke is with Rin in Brazil. He may not be in the Olympic team this year, but he's determined to make the 2020 games in Tokyo. Haruka remembers him saying that his shoulder rehab is going well.

And then there's Makoto.

Haruka's mind comes to a blank when he thinks of him, and it only leaves his stomach feeling empty and irritated. Haruka clicks his tongue in annoyance whenever he thinks about him. _"It's nothing_ ," he repeatedly says to himself. It really is nothing, whether he likes it or not. They haven't spoken in a month since their run-in at the aquarium. Makoto wants to be nothing.

 _'He asks about you a lot.'_ Nagisa's words reverberate endlessly. _  
_

Haruka lays down on the floor and looks up at the ceiling. He reaches for the toy dolphin he's left on the table, squeezing it in one of his hands and holding it up above him. It's looking more worn these days, going blind with its scratched off eyes, even looking a little less blue that it used to. Still, its the only keepsake he has with him. Poking its nose to his own, he sighs a bit and closes his eyes. Maybe he'll just fall asleep right here tonight. He doesn't have the energy to get up. The dolphin can sleep with him.

He thinks of the sun and the moon _._ Amaterasu and Tsukoyomi, split at the seams of day and night, never to come together again.

"It's nothing," Haruka says to himself.

And just when Haruka's about to drift off, his phone starts ringing. He always forgets to change his ringtone, an annoying chiming sound that came straight from the manufacturer. He rolls over onto his side, stays on the floor for a couple of more moments, and gets up to answer the phone on the last possible ring. The caller ID reads _Matsuoka Gou_.

"Hello?" Haruka answers.

He can barely hear her through all the stadium noise, but he knows exactly what she's about to ask.

 

**ii. hollow home**

It takes them two weeks to actually plan Rin's welcome-home party. He hasn't actually had time to go back to Iwatobi with all the press conferences and the victory tour around Japan, so its mid-September by the time Gou sends out the formal invitations. Haruka is not surprised that they're holding it at Sasabe's swim club, in fact it really _is_ the most predictable choice, but he still wishes it could be somewhere less familiar.

Haruka waits on the train platform with a duffel bag, leaning against a support beam where they post the caution signs. It's one of those crisp days he used to hate because it meant it was too cold to swim, but now he finds himself breathing easier. The sky is ridiculously blue today, without any hint of clouds, and there is a slight breeze that numbs the sides of his face.

He looks up to peek at the sky, but the roof of the platform station blocks his view. Haruka steps out further to the edge, where he can get a clearer look, but the sun is too strong and he can hardly see. Giving up on finding the moon today, Haruka goes back into the shade to wait.

If Haruka is being completely honest with himself, he doesn't want to go back to Iwatobi. For one thing, his parents have left him an empty house again. That would usually be fine with Haruka if he was still in high school, but now the thought haunts him. He thinks of the sliding door in back where Makoto and he would play with sparklers as children, and then the bathtub where he used to pull him up everyday before school. He thinks of doing homework with him in the living room, quiet and lazy—but comfortable.

Ultimately, Haruka ends up wondering if Makoto still has a spare key to his house. He concludes that Makoto probably gave it back to Haruka's mother.

And then there is another fact about Iwatobi that Haruka can't avoid: they're going to ask questions. It's _fine_ that Rin is living his dream, it's great that he's on the world stage, but Haruka is going to get pulled into all the fanfare all the same. He could see it now: eyes will brighten up for Rin, but lower in pity for Haruka.

' _What happened to you?'_ they're going to ask, in their own polite and indirect ways, but he'll know what they mean. _'What wasted potential.'_ Just thinking about it brings back that dull pain in the back of his head, but its only a momentary feeling.

He'll endure it. It won't bother Haruka that much when they ask. He never wanted to go professional, and he never, _ever_ will. It was a simple enough concept.

With that thought, a train comes hurdling down the tracks, blowing up a gust of wind and noise in Haruka's wake. He squints a little before picking up his duffel bag off the floor to get on. He isn't paying attention when someone comes up behind him on the platform, accidentally bumping shoulders.

It's Makoto, hair askew. He probably rushed here, thinking he was late for the train.

"Haru." He says in surprise as they both step into the car. Haruka wonder why he still calls him that. _Haru_.

"Makoto." Haruka says simply, feigning the best neutral face he can muster. His innards, however, are doing a tricky little dance.

 

**iii. andante**

The train ride is slow, but peaceful. Haruka and Makoto don't speak except for brief and random small talk, but it's not as uncomfortable as he thinks it should be. They have a compartment alone by the window, and the sunlight is pleasantly warm on Haruka. From the way Makoto stares absentmindedly out the window, his eyes closed in rest, he probably feels the same. Again, the sun reminds Haruka of the beach, or a day at an outdoor pool.

There is a small hint of a smile on Makoto's face, a piece of the genuine kind he used to know, and Haruka wonders what he's thinking about. He then scolds himself for caring so much before staring out the window, too. _"It's nothing,"_ he tells himself, for the umpteenth time.

"Home, huh?" Makoto asks. The question is sudden. It's the start of another round of small talk, but this is the first time he's mentioning Iwatobi at all.

Haruka doesn't look at him. "Yeah," he answers.

"I bet Nagisa's going to have two kinds of cake for the party. Maybe three."

"Maybe." Haruka says. "Three is a good number."

Makoto actually laughs, even if Haruka can barely hear it. The two of them look at each other momentarily after that, a passing glance between unsure acquaintances, before settling back into the quietness of the train. Haruka buries his mouth behind a casually placed hand when he catches himself smiling. A thought pops into his head, a remnant of the home he'd left behind.

_"Can you read my mind?"_

 

**iv. words in my mouth**

The party starts a little later than planned, not to anyone's surprise. Rin, Sousuke, and Gou don't arrive until later in the afternoon at about four o' clock, and Rei and Nagisa are still preparing the cakes. Makoto talks to Amakata about how his teaching courses are going, while the Mikoshiba brothers relentlessly tackle Haruka questions about the city life in Tokyo. It's actually a fairly big party, so Haruka doesn't expect to hang around Makoto at all tonight, but he still catches glimpses of him from across the room. He seems to be at ease with things, Haruka observes.

More people start to file in. Kids from Samezuka file in with their usual black jackets. There are a few new Iwatobi members in sky blue attire, all of them whispering about Haruka in tones they think he can't hear. Kisumi comes with his little brother, and both of them welcome him with high fives and warm greetings. That makes Haruka's stomach churn a little, but he tries to ignore it.

Someone grabs him by the shoulder. It's one of the guidance counselors from his old high school, looking positively ambivalent to be seeing Haruka back here in Iwatobi. _'Why even talk to me then,'_ Haruka thinks, trying to hide his disdain.

"Nanase-kun." the guidance counselor says with a forced smile. "It's been too long. How's everything?" His voice is a little loud, and some people are starting to stare. The new members of Iwatobi's swim team continue to whisper to themselves. Haruka hears a little bit of a laugh.

Haruka shrugs. "Fine."

"Shame you're not swimming anymore." The guidance counselor says. "You could have been up there with Matsuoka! Two stars from the region!"

That pain swells at the back of his neck again, but Haruka holds his ground. "But I do swim."

"You know what kind of swimming I'm talking about."

Haruka doesn't say anything. He looks down on the ground for a moment before glancing over at his friends. Nagisa and Rei look like a mix of horrified and cross, and Rin looks like he's going to punch a wall. Haruka doesn't see Makoto anywhere across the room.

"He's fine the way he is." A quiet, but firm voice emerges from behind Haruka. "Why don't we just let this issue rest already?" Makoto looks angrier than all the others in the room, but in his calm and collected way. His gaze finds Haruka's for a moment , but he looks more sure of himself this time. After that, he leaves the room without another word.

 _The sun illuminating the moon._ A boy speaking for his quiet friend.

"Kids can grow up to be so rude." the guidance counselor lets out a snide little laugh and wanders to the front of the room.

Haruka tries to enjoy himself after that, but he doesn't last another twenty minutes at Rin's party. He apologizes to him before leaving out the door, but he's sure that Rin understands. Everyone has to.

"Makoto." Haruka says to himself as he runs out onto the main road. He tries their high school first, finding only but an empty pool. He runs alongside the beach where they used to walk home at day's end, but all he sees there is dusk, taking hold of the ending day. Haruka runs and runs, until he finds himself near home.

Makoto is sitting at the top of the stairs, staring blankly at the sky ahead. It's a nice sky, Haruka admits, with hues of pink and light purple and darkness at the horizon, all in one blended gradient, and he is almost swept up by the peace of it all before they look each other again.

Haruka finds himself ascending the stairs. That's usually Makoto's job. It used to be, at least. All those years, up those same stony steps.

"Haru, sorry, I couldn't help it—"

Haruka wordlessly wraps his arms around Makoto and hugs him, burying his head in his shoulder. He feels like he can't breathe, he feels himself shaking to his core, but it's all right here.

" _Haru_." He sounds confused but his voice has returned to its usual lightness. He reciprocates not too long after. His hands are cautious, but they're still big and warm on Haruka's back. He doesn't remember how many times he's ever hugged Makoto first. Haruka thinks it's less than a handful, but it might be the first time he's doing this. It'd be a shame if this was the case.

"Are you okay?" Haruka asks, incredibly embarrassed. It must be a ridiculous sight, two grown boys hugging on the stairs, but Haruka doesn't care. He can stay like this for another lifetime, if he has to. He can think of worse things.

"I'm fine. Did I embarrass you?" Makoto laughs a little.

"You didn't." Haruka says.

"Good."

Silence washes over them again.

"It's funny. You're not running away this time." Makoto muses.

"Shut up." Haruka closes his eyes and nuzzles his head in further. This is already enough embarrassment to last a lifetime.

"Hey, Haru." Makoto says.

"Makoto." Haruka answers.

"It's been a long two years, hasn't it?"

Haruka doesn't know what to say to that at first. _'It's nothing,'_ he's tempted to answer, like he does for everything else, but he has a feeling that if he says that now, he'll never get Makoto back.

 _'It's nothing'_   was what got him into trouble in the first place.

 _'It's nothing'_   has burned bridges.

Haruka knows he has to say something else. Let the moon show itself.

"Yeah." He finally says. "It has been."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't actually sure how to continue from my three-chapter spree from yesterday, but I figured it out this morning while I was on the train. I think this has been my favorite chapter to write so far, just because it finally has Haruka taking the lead on things. I picked dusk for them to semi-reunite because it seems like the perfect melding of night and day, converging for just a short time. (There's still maybe another chapter to go? I feel like there's some unresolved stuff for them to settle on.)
> 
> Unspoken communication is such a key part of their relationship, but I feel like I can't close things out without them actually talking things out. I'd like to believe that they're completely telepathic with each other, but that just seems to pull them back to the problems they had in the last year of high school...so expect another chapter (with some lovin', namsayinmaybe) Iwatobi is their past. They're in Tokyo now! They're both grown, and I think that level of communication has to grow they ever hope to be friends again. I think Haruka is starting to get at that here, but there's still a little bit of a journey left.
> 
> However, despite what I think about their communication style, it's hard for these two boys to be apart from each other, isn't it? It's sad watching them fight it, but at least there's a reprieve from that in this chapter.
> 
> Also, I literally looped 'Dearly Beloved' to write the last part. I'm obsessed. I recommend it highly when writing these sorts of fluff-infested scenes.


	5. Haruka and Makoto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moon says his name like a small hallelujah.

 

**i. a world alone**

_It's nothing. I don't care. Whatever. It's fine._ Those are the things Haruka is used to saying.

"It's so nice to see you guys are friends again." Nagisa says as admires Makoto and Haruka from across the table, hovering over a pork chop cutlet and a plate of rice. Makoto only smiles and does that pleasant little head nod of his, as if he's slightly embarassed, and he doesn't say anything about it. Haruka turns his head to the side, resists the urge to brush off Nagisa's remark, and goes back to eating his mackerel.

The four of them have been in Iwatobi for two days now. Sitting in Haruka's house around the living room table, it almost feels like nothing's changed. They all have an assortment of foods that Haruka's prepared for them and Nagisa has taken the liberty of bringing ice cream for dessert. There is a possibility of all of them going to the pool later, something that Haruka is especially excited about.

"Your cooking is really too good, Haru." Makoto says as he takes a bite of his flank steak.

"It's okay. Might be under seasoned." Haruka says in all modesty, but he's secretly happy that everyone likes his cooking. Despite culinary school, he usually only eats mackerel, something that surprises no one, so it's nice to receive the affirmation even though he doesn't know how to respond to it.

"Ah, we're going to visit a bunch of places tomorrow, actually." Rei says as he's stabbing at a cherry tomato. "Are you two coming?"

Haruka looks at Makoto. _'Read my mind.'_

"We're coming," Makoto says with a small nod. Haruka's pleased with the answer, but he tries not to show it. He only picks up another scoop of rice and fish and gulps it down. It's a normal occurence, he tells himself. Makoto used to speak for Haruka all the time. This isn't anything different.

Nagisa can't stop gushing. Haruka can feel his face go red, but he shouldn't have to feel so flustered about this. So what if Makoto and he are friends again? It is the natural order of things. Haruka and Makoto.

"Wait, so how did it happen?" Nagisa asks with a clever little smile. "I want to hear how you became friends again."

Makoto's the one that looks at Haruka this time. He knows he won't share their private moments. They have enough of those to fill out their own secret world, and their embrace on the stony steps is just another addition to their unwritten history. They can talk about little things, like playing video games at Makoto's house, or entertaining Ran and Ren, or riding the train together, but everything else is not open for discussion.

Rei and Nagisa will never know about him hugging Makoto first, of all things. They'll never know about Haruka digging his head into the nape of his neck and how lightheaded he gets from just thinking about it. They'll never know about Makoto's hands, cautious but still warm on Haruka's back. They'll never know that they stayed there on those stairs until midnight, after watching the stars and almost falling asleep on each other. They'll never know about the small pain Haruka gets from just watching Makoto run down the stairs, back to his own house. He never wants Makoto to leave ever again.

"Well, I don't think we ever _stopped_ being friends." Makoto says earnestly, with a little shrug. "Things just take time."

They'll never know how much he actually loves him. Haruka knows, with upmost certainty, this is not something he can say ' _its nothing_ ' to.

 

**ii. what you are to me**

 

Haruka hasn't been to a shrine in a very long time.

The four of them make their donations, say their little prayers, and pick up their paper fortunes. Haruka finds that his says half luck, but he's not one for really believing them anyway so he ends up stuffing it into his pocket and waiting for the others. Rei is on the verge of breaking down over the curse he's received in his, but Nagisa comforts him by giving him his. Haruka notices Makoto doesn't even look at his. In fact, he only crumples his up too, a peaceful little smile stretching across his face. He's been showing those all day.

"What should we do next?" Nagisa asks excitedly. "We could go to the park maybe? Oh, how about the beach? No, wait! Let's try the batting cages! That's new!" He pretends to hold a bat and swings nonsensically into the air. Rei shakes his head in horror.

"No way. I just got cursed. The ball's going to cut my head clean off." Rei says.

"I think the beach sounds nice." Makoto says, nodding.

"I agree. The beach at dusk is always a beautiful sight." Rei answers.

"So, what do you think, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asks.

"Let's go," Haruka smiles just a little bit and the three of them almost lose it then and there.

By the time they get to the beach, the last peak of sun is hiding on the horizon. Nagisa drags Rei farther down the coast, where he says there are a lot more shells to collect, and they run off laughing at something Haruka doesn't bother to pinpoint. Haruka sits alone in the sand by the coast and buries his head tiredly in his knees. He wishes it wasn't too cold to jump into the ocean, or else he would have by now.

He suddenly remembers the small resolution he made in his head when he and Makoto were children. Makoto didn't like the ocean, so Haruka didn't swim in it. He looks over at Makoto, now full grown and almost twenty. He's standing barefoot in the sand, looking out at the ocean. Haruka wonders if two years has really changed them that much. He wonders if Makoto still hates the ocean.

"Its okay. It really is." He says to Haruka.

"Okay." Haruka answers back.

The two of them settle in a comfortable silence, letting the whistle of the autumn breeze do the talking. The sun is almost gone, nothing but a small sliver.

"What did you get for your fortune?" Makoto asks.

"Half luck." Haruka says. "You threw yours away."

"You saw that?" Makoto asks, sitting down next to Haruka on the sand.

Haruka nods. "Did it give you a papercut?"

Makoto laughs and shakes his head. He looks embarrassed. "Nothing of that sort."

Haruka stares at Makoto, waiting for an explanation. Makoto releases another sigh before digging into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. He shows Haruka a crumpled up piece of paper and puts it in the palm of his hand. Haruka unfurls it and finds that it's another fortune, the characters on it worn and faded. He still make out what it says, though.

_The person you wait for will come._

"It's from when we went to the shrine two years ago, before regionals." Makoto explains. "I feel silly for keeping it so long, but I figured I'd never need another one again."

"Why?" Haruka asks.

"Because this is the one that brought me back to you." Makoto says. "Even after all my doubts. I'm sorry about that."

Haruka doesn't think Makoto has anything to apologize about. "I'm sorry too," he says. He can feel their hands touch on the sand, but neither of them move an inch. Rei and Nagisa have moved further down the coast, where the latter screams about skinny dipping. 

Makoto and Haruka stay where they are, silent. The sun has gone by now.

"Makoto." Haru calls out, gripping Makoto's hand tighter.

"Hm?"

"Stay at my house tonight."

Makoto looks a little surprised, and he might even be blushing, but its too hard to tell in the dark. "Okay," he says a little shakily.

 

**iii. when the night comes, the moon speaks in secret**

“Makoto.”

Haruka says his name again as the other boy goes into kiss him once more. It’s almost two in the morning, and both of them are exhausted from a day of revisiting Iwatobi and all their old haunts, but they have two years to make up for and nothing else really matters. Laying on Haruka's bed, they whole-heartedly press into each other with eager kisses.

“Haru.”

“ _Makoto_.” Haruka pleads. His voice sounds weak and he’s lightheaded from what feels like hours of just being with him. _Makoto_. It feels like the only word that he can bear to say at the moment. _Makoto_. He wonders just how many times He's ever said Makoto's name.

Makoto only closes his eyes every time Haruka breathes his name like a hallelujah. This makes Haruka want to kiss him more.

“We both have an early train to catch tomorrow.” Makoto says. “Shouldn’t we sleep?”

“No.” Haruka says as he keeps kissing him.

Haruka doesn’t want to question any part of this. He knows there’s nothing to question. He knows it’s always been like this, _Haruka and_ _Makoto_ , _Makoto_ _and_ _Haruka_. Sun and moon. It doesn’t matter what names they use to try to explain it. Haruka has never even kissed Makoto before tonight, but it doesn’t matter, because this is something he’s felt forming on the tip of his tongue for the longest time.

He doesn't feel like they're moving too fast, because this was always going to happen. It would have been okay if they kissed at ten, or twelve, or sixteen. This is just coming a little late to them. Haruka knows it’s all right.

No, actually, it’s more than all right.

“Haru.” Makoto says again, on top of Haruka now. His voice is so light for someone so big and strong. Haruka swears Makoto’s only gotten taller since moving to Tokyo, and his shoulders just seem broader than ever, but he’s not sure if it’s because he hasn’t been around him in so long. Haruka presses his hands on Makoto’s arms and guides them across his shoulder blades to really make sure, but he’s too dizzy to really come to a conclusion.

There just aren’t any words. They try, but they refuse to come out in the night. It’s just ' _Makoto_ ' and ' _Haru_ '. Haruka does have a bunch of things he’d like to say, things like ‘ _I’ve missed you_ ,’ or ‘ _I want you_ ,’ but he knows that these are just the type of words he’s no good at saying. He can hear those kinds of things come out of Makoto’s mouth, just because he’s always been more honest, but it’s mostly silence with him tonight, too. Haruka guesses they're just taking each other in, delving into a new world after spending what feels like an eternity in separate skies.

" _It's meaningless without you._ " Haruka wants to hear things like that again.

Then Haruka remembers sitting in class the last week before graduation.

_“I’m going to miss you, you know.”_

Haruka stops Makoto from kissing him for a moment, looking up at him blankly.

“What’s wrong?” Makoto asks.

Haruka breathes a sigh. “ _Did you_?”

"Did I what?"

"Miss me."

Makoto pushes a little hair out of Haruka's face with his thumb and kisses him gently on the forehead. Haruka can't help but think that this is the way Makoto _would_ kiss. Everything about that kiss practically _screams_ Makoto.

Haruka closes his eyes and inches closer to him on the mattress.

"Of _course_ I missed you." Makoto says quietly, like Haruka's asked something heinous. He starts kissing Haruka's collarbone and then moves up to his neck. Haruka wonders if he's ever kissed anyone in Tokyo like this, because he's so good at it, but he knows the thought will only make him jealous so he doesn't think about it. Instead, he closes his eyes and pushes his head back on his pillow as Makoto digs a hand under Haruka's shirt.

"Makoto..." Haruka calls out again.

"Is this okay, Haru?"

"Yes." Haruka puts both his arms around him and goes in for another kiss. This time there is more tongue involved, and they press into each other more frantically than before. Haruka yanks at Makoto's shirt, and he gets the message so he throws it off. Haruka kisses the skin on Makoto's chest delicately, the surface of it warm and just a little bit sweaty. Makoto disposes of Haruka's shirt too and interlaces his fingers with Haruka's.

"Did you miss me?" Makoto asks next, still crouching above Haruka on the bed. Haruka cautiously presses his free hand onto the side of Makoto's cheek. He wishes he didn't have to answer. Makoto has to know by now. The phone call and hug on the stony steps should have been enough.

"I...missed you." Haruka says anyway. Sometimes a little affirmation is okay.

Makoto looks at him, more surprised than anything, before sighing and smiling at Haruka like he used to. There is nothing forced or polite about it, and he is unrestrained in his happiness. Haruka kisses him tenderly, it's more like a brush of his lips on his, but the sentiment is still there.

"I love you." Haruka says first, maybe a little too bluntly.

" _Haru_!" Makoto's eyes go wide. "You...?" He doesn't know how to finish his sentence. Makoto looks like he's about to collapse right on top of Haruka, but he settles for burying his head into the pillow next to him. He looks like he's laughing, maybe even crying into it, not knowing what to say.

"I love you, too, Haru." He finally answers without lifting his face from the pillow. "God, I'm so happy."

"Then don't look so miserable about it," Haruka says as he turns to his side and nuzzles into Makoto's chest. Makoto laughs lightly and scoops Haruka into his arms, leaning over him to kiss him once more. The night from there is a slow simmer, full of sighs and slightly clumsy, but the two of them wouldn't have it any other way.

They decide to worry about Tokyo when they get back. Right now they're here, melded skies, in Iwatobi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time writing this out because Episode 12 just came out and I'm actually kind of sad about the direction they're taking with Haruka. I actually didn't hate the HaruRin interaction either, but I'm really praying for a satisfying MakoHaru resolution by the anime's end or I will really think of this whole story as my head canon. I did get sad about how sad Haruka looked on the beach when he said that was his first fight with Makoto, though. His face was so cute ahhh!
> 
> Anyway, there's not much conflict in this chapter. Just pure, tooth rotting fluff. I was going to full on write a smut scene for the last part but I wanted to really create a tender chapter and there's always room for kinkier things in Tokyo, haha. If I do end up writing more chapters, I just expect it to be domestic bliss for the two of them (which leaves room for blatant smut)
> 
> And I actually didn't listen to Dearly Beloved for this! I'm actually on a bus typing this all out and listening to Stay by Rihanna. Just another useless bit of info for you all.


	6. The City Never Sleeps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Haruka and Makoto want to explore every bit of each other, but Tokyo's always interrupting things. Unintentional distance ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light-ish smut ahead!

**i. the whispers of a giant city**

Whenever they say they're going to _watch a movie_ , they're not really _watching a movie_.

It's around four in the afternoon and Makoto's got Haruka pinned to his couch, kissing him relentlessly with a hand between Haruka's naked thighs. Haruka's biting down on the collar of an old shirt Makoto gave him, but Makoto's on the verge of getting him completely naked right here and now in the living room with the way he's pulling the fabric of the tee up Haruka's chest.

"Your...your roommate..." Haruka says in between panting moans. He must look so dirty to Makoto, just lying there without any bottoms and a shirt that's barely clinging onto him, already raised above his collarbones, but he's certainly relishing the sight. Makoto presses a free hand into Haruka’s chest and slides his fingers down, making Haruka’s skin tingle with goosebumps.

"Not coming home." Makoto whispers into his ear word by word as he dives down to the nape of Haruka's neck with urgent, biting kisses. Haruka is going to wake up with hickeys, for sure. 

" _Ah."_ Haruka says, almost incoherently. He presses his hands onto Makoto's hips, playing with the elastic of his boxers. Quickly, Makoto disposes of those and Haruka's shirt, leaving them both completely naked on the couch. The movie they had picked earlier, some alien blockbuster they stopped paying attention to long ago, has reached the end credits, but Haruka knows this is just the beginning of their night. 

"Haru, do you want to...?" Makoto asks. 

Haruka nods, feeling dizzier than ever and even more embarrassed than usual. They've never attempted sex on the couch before, where there’s little room to do anything _but_ feel Makoto’s body on his. He can feel Makoto’s groin throbbing against his own, and the skin on his abdomen is smooth and warm and slightly sticky with sweat. Even the smell of Makoto's deodorant turns him on, and Haruka wonders if he'll ever think of  _winter fresh mint_ in the same way again.

Haruka spreads his legs a little more as Makoto digs his hand in between Haruka’s legs again, his grip on him firm and his stroke steady. Haruka moans again, and he’s always surprised at the types of noises he can make with Makoto. He can feel that he’s about to come before Makoto’s phone starts ringing loudly on the coffee table.

“Ignore it,” Haruka commands breathily.

Makoto complies, but the sound of the ringing is obviously distracting him. He reaches for the phone while still trying to pleasure Haruka, something that subsequently annoys him and turns him on even more than before.

“Hello?” he answers, trying to mask the sound of his heavy breathing. Makoto’s strokes are faster now, and he’s definitely gripping him _harder_ , and Haruka can’t help but think what a giant tease Makoto is. Haruka tries cupping his mouth with his hands, so he doesn’t make too much noise, but Makoto suddenly does this irregular flicking motion with his wrist that drives Haruka crazy. Makoto actually _smirks_ at this, at the way he has Haruka writhing under him, and it only makes Haruka want him more. Makoto is usually so easygoing in front of all the others, but Haruka is always so pleasantly surprised at how domineering he can be in the bedroom.

“ _Makoto_ ,” Haruka pleads. He adds a panting _‘please’_ but Makoto’s too busy listening to the other end of the phone to hear him.

“You want me to come in _now_?” Makoto suddenly asks into the phone, stopping what he’s doing with Haruka. Haruka lays his head back on the armrest, releasing a frustrated sigh. This happens more often than not. 

“Ah, no, I understand. I’ll be there soon. Bye.” Makoto hangs up and throws his phone onto the floor. He practically collapses on top of Haruka and sighs into his chest before lifting himself off of him and shaking his head in shame.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Haruka scolds, regaining his breath. “Go, if you have to.”

“This is so unfair.”

“It’s fine.” Haruka says. 

Makoto kisses Haruka gently on the forehead before scanning the floor for his pants. He hops into them and adjusts his belt before giving Haruka, who’s still naked on the couch, a bunch of kisses. “I’ll be back soon,” he says, in between kisses. “You can stay here if you want to.” 

“Okay.” Haruka sighs, but he knows he'll just end going home alone. 

“Are you mad?” Makoto asks, taking one of Haruka’s hands. Haruka nods and sits up on the couch, shaking Makoto free to put his shirt back on. He’s imagining all the people he’s going to be bumping shoulders with on the train, and it only adds to his annoyance. He wishes he didn’t live so far from Makoto. 

“It’s nothing.” Haruka says, looking for his pants. “It’s just the way things are.”

“Yeah.” Makoto sighs. “We’re really not kids anymore, huh?”

“No, we’re not.” Haruka says, trying to hide his disdain. Sometimes he just really hates this city.

 

**ii. mapping the distance**

Haruka lives in a one-person apartment in Ebisu, one of dozens on the sixth floor of a high-rise apartment complex overlooking the rest of the district. He considers it a simple place, with all of the comfortable basics: a bed, a couch, a portable grill for mackerel, and an abnormally large bathtub, but he hasn’t really tried to make it _home_ for the past year he’s been here in Tokyo. He comes home, kicks his shoes off, cooks dinner, soaks in the tub, and goes to bed. That’s all there is.

Makoto lives in a two-person apartment in Asakusa, on the tenth floor of a mid-sized complex three blocks away from the oldest amusement park in Japan. Haruka’s only been there a handful of times, and he notices that it’s not too different from his room in Iwatobi. He still has his video game consoles and a fish bowl on a nightstand, with various green-colored amenities strewn about the apartment. His roommate, a salary man who’s never home half the time, is nice enough if he’s not too tired, but it’s not like Haruka intends to get chummy with him anytime soon.

On the train, it takes Haruka exactly thirty-eight minutes to get from Ebisu to Asakusa. He usually rides the Yamanote line train towards Shinagawa for four stops before transferring to the Keikyu Main Line towards Aoto. In the grand scheme of things, those remaining twelve stops and twenty-two minutes towards Makoto’s place isn’t so bad for the average city dweller, but Haruka always _hates_ this part the most. It just reminds him that they’re separated by more than a series of concrete steps.

It’s almost like they’re Amaterasu and Tsukoyomi again, forever destined to sleep under separate skies. 

“Yes, I’ll be there soon,” Haruka says on the phone before hanging up. This time the two of them are in Ebisu, in Haruka’s bed. This was supposed to be a lazy night of cuddling and kissing, maybe _more_ if either of them were up to it, but now none of that's going to happen.

“Need to take on a shift?” Makoto asks with a small smile. It's clear that he's a bit disappointed. It’s only natural, considering the fact that he’s taken a train all the way here to see Haruka on his only day off.

Haruka nods. "The main chef is out tonight. They're asking me to take his place."

"That's _good_ , isn't it?" Makoto asks, brightening up a little bit.

Haruka nods with his head still on the pillow. "Yes," he admits. He has wanted to lead in the kitchen for the longest time now. By no means is he excited to have to actually manage an entire staff, but being head chef for the night means getting to pick all the menu selections and making them in the way he wants to. Still, he also wants nothing more than to stay in bed all night with Makoto. 

Makoto hops out of bed and holds a hand out to Haruka, who's having a bit of a hard time deciding whether or not to get up. 

"Come on," Makoto says. "Then you should go. We can always be together another time." 

Haruka takes Makoto’s hand. _Another time._ Their time together is always turning into _another time_ , and it's starting to drive Haruka crazy. Makoto gathers his things, Haruka puts on his uniform, and they leave out the door together, only to go their separate ways from there.

 

**iii. in this lonely hour**

In Tokyo, being with Makoto really isn’t easy.

 _‘Ah, sorry, Haru, I have to stay late today to help at school, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to see you tonight.’_ Makoto explains over the phone. Haruka stares down at the two fillets of mackerel he has cooking on the grill, frowning and poking at the bigger one on the right.

“It’s okay.” Haruka says, but he knows it isn’t. He hasn’t seen Makoto in five days, and he’s beginning to get restless.

 _'Are you sure you're okay?'_ Makoto asks. _'I can try to get out of this if you want.'_  

"You shouldn't." Haruka answers him. "It's really fine. And we can see each other tomorrow. I’m cooking dinner, so I'll talk to you later." 

 _'Hm, okay.'_ Makoto says. _'Call before you go to bed.'_

"I will. Get back to work." Haruka says.

Makoto laughs a little. ' _I will. Bye, Haru.'_  

"Bye." Haruka hangs up the phone and drops it into the counter. He lets out a sigh, leans over the stove before the heat blasting up at his face gets a little too overwhelming, and turns off his phone completely. It's not that he's mad at Makoto, because there's no reason _to_ be mad at him, but Haruka's having a hard time getting used to the cancelled dinner dates and unexpected shift changes. It's not just Makoto, either: Haruka's already had to cancel on Makoto four times in the past month, too, and all of this feels like its unraveling. 

Haruka loves Makoto. He just doesn't love what the city's giving them.

It’s easier to be together in Iwatobi. When they were teenagers, it'd be the same routine, day in and day out by the sea. They'd walk to school together, go to class together, go to swim practice together, walk home together: it was hard _not_ to be with Makoto in that small town, where they knew each other's lives in and out, separated only by a series of stony steps. They had embraced on those same steps, they had kissed and made love in his old house where they had both grown up, but Haruka knows they're not there any more.

This was Tokyo, a messy sprawled out space where they had to be two separate entities. They were together, but, _well_ , they weren't. Not all the time, at least. The skies can't always mesh everywhere they go.

He takes the mackerel off the grill and flips it onto a plate, where he eats alone at the table. The thought of Makoto's lips brushing against his comes into his mind, and the sensation of their two bodies together soon pervades all of his current thoughts. He's chewing on his mackerel when he realizes that he can't really taste anything, and that he's not really hungry to begin with. He just wants Makoto. 

Haruka goes back into the kitchen, grabbing his phone from the counter. He turns it on again, about to call Makoto to tell him to come to his place, _to forget about work_ , but then he decides against it. Makoto's got work to do now. He can't be there all the time, no matter how badly Haruka wants him. He's about to turn his phone back off when he notices a blinking green light. It’s a voicemail from Makoto.

_'Hey Haru, you turned off your phone, didn't you?' I hope you're not mad.’_

“I’m not.” Haruka says out loud.

 _‘I really do want to spend more time with you. I'm not trying to ignore you! Life's just busy, isn't it?'_  

Haruka sighs. "I know.”

 _'Anyway, you're probably thinking of soaking in the tub tonight, but don't stay in there too long. You'll catch a cold, and then I'll have no choice but to stay over and spoil you.'_ Makoto laughs into his recording. Haruka blushes and sneaks a small smile.

_'Ah, well, I should get back to work. I'll be out by ten-thirty. I'll try to give you a call when I get on the train. Good night, Haru.'_

Haruka glances up at the clock. It's exactly nine fifty-five. He realizes he can still grab a train if he runs out now. Haruka quickly grabs his coat from his room, ties his shoes, and heads out the door in a hurry, lightheaded and rushed but determined. It's a bit of a bad idea, considering he has work early in the morning, but he's let the city beat him enough times now. Tokyo's not going to win all the time. 

 

**iv. a small warmth**

"You came all the way here." Makoto says. "You didn't have to do that."

Haruka shrugs. "It's nothing."

Makoto laughs a little bit. "You fell asleep waiting in front of the school! That's not  _nothing_." 

"You did the same for me once." Haruka says simply, taking Makoto's hand into his as they're walking back to his apartment. 

"It was after regionals, right? Our first high school competition." Makoto muses. "We were all really worried about you. I don't even remember how it happened. I was just sitting there, waiting, and the next thing I know I was asleep." Then he lets out a little sigh. "That seems so long ago."

Haruka thinks about that time. He remembers coming home and finding the light on in his house. It had been a terrible day, followed by a night alone, and Makoto was still there by the end of it all, like a small warmth guiding him back. That memory was nothing but a fragment in the long, expansive history the two of them shared, but it was still there, nonetheless. As long as the memory was there, Haruka would not forget it.

"Mm." Haruka nods, pulling Makoto around the corner. He's secretly proud of himself for remembering how to get to Makoto's apartment, and Makoto just lets Haruka drag him. There's a bout of silence between them for a little while, but it's okay to Haruka as long as he gets to be with Makoto. Hand in hand, side by side. It's the little instances of warmth that are worth infinities. 

"Hey, Haru." Makoto calls. Haruka realizes he's stopped walking altogether. He stops too, facing Makoto but still holding onto his hand. Haruka stares up, gripping onto his hand harder than before.

"Are you okay...with all of this?" Makoto asks. "Being together, like the way we are?"

Haruka can't stop the throbbing in his temple, or that ominous tone of voice that Makoto's speaking in. It reminds him of that night with the fireworks, Makoto's face dancing between worry and resignation, and his voice soft but solemn. Haruka looks away, unable to find the right words. He just holds onto his hand, determined to hold onto the only warmth he has in this big city. 

 _'Don't let go,'_  Haruka thinks.

"Are you?" Haruka asks.

Makoto sighs. "Well, I don't know. I mean, I want to be with you. I've wanted you for the longest time, Haru."

Haruka frowns. "Then what's the problem?"

"I just don't like this distance. I mean, you took a train all the way here for me." Makoto says. "And I hate that we're both so busy."

"It's nothing. Really." Haruka says. 

Makoto shakes his head. "But you always say that.  _It's nothing_. I know it's your automatic response for everything, but—"

"But this time I mean it." Haruka interrupts him.

A split second of silence overcomes the both of them. In the distance, Haruka can hear the hustle and the bustle of a street fair, a common occurrence on the streets of Asakusa, but this is no time for celebration.

Haruka tries to find the right words to describe it. "I hate the train." he finally says. "But I would take it a million times...to see you. So it really _is_ nothing. I just don't want to be apart from you." He stares down at the ground after that, covering his face to prevent Makoto from seeing how red it's gone under the glow of the street lamp.

Makoto breathes a little sigh and Haruka can feel him bringing him close for a hug. Flustered and upset, Haruka only wraps his arms around him too and rests his head on his chest. He doesn't know a lot about Tokyo, or what it will bring him in the future. All he knows, in this giant, messy expanse, where no one ever stops moving and no one ever stops to listen, is that he wants Makoto more than anything. He could take the long train rides and the cancelled dinner dates and the sudden interruptions, as long as it means having him at the end of the day. Standing with shaking knees on the sidewalk, arms around the boy he loves more than anything, this is the only thing Haruka knows.

 _'Don't let go.'_ These are the words that Haruka hears drumming through his head.  _'Don't give up.'_

"So you think we're going to make it, then?" Makoto asks quietly, still holding Haruka close. There is still doubt in his voice.

Haruka doesn't end up answering. He feels like this is a question Makoto shouldn't be asking. 

"I love you, Haru. Really, I do." Makoto adds, to slice through the silence.

"I know." Haruka says. The two of them hold on to each other a little longer, a little tighter, because they're not sure when they'll see each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, again, I wasn't sure how to proceed with writing this chapter. I guess you can read this fic as either a one shot (in the first chapter) or stop at chapter 5 (when they first get together) but I just wanted to experiment with them really trying to find each other in Tokyo. As much as I'd like them to be together all the time and be in eternal bliss, life gets messy and we have to live our own lives outside of our significant others, too. I wanted to see both Haruka and Makoto pursue their own lives outside of each other while trying to find that balance with each other. They love each other a lot, and they want to be together all the time, but that's just not how life works, huh? 
> 
> I guess I wanted to continue that whole theme of "adjusting to busy city life" because it's a theme I hold close to my heart, relationship-wise. It's all about adjustments and understanding that you can't be with someone 24/7. I think there's still an adjustment process for Haruka and Makoto (since it's also been two years since they've really been around each other) but it's one they'll get through. (There's still a feeling of distance, though, huh? Like it's lingering. It'll get better, though.)
> 
> Also, kudos to google maps and general internet research about all these different districts and train routes within Tokyo. As for musical inspiration, I actually listened to a lot of Sam Smith this time around. There was a natural feeling of distance I wanted to convey and I think his music is pretty good at that.
> 
> (Also I tried writing smut, lol. To be honest I have this kink about doing dirty things on the couch and partial nudity so obviously I started there...)
> 
> Next chapter will probably be the last, coinciding with the end of the anime (which I'm bittersweet about because I'll both miss the boys and be simultaneously pressed about what they did with Haru.) I am working on something new though, a story with a bit of magical realism and a drabble one shot that I should be finished with soon!


	7. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They cast away the doubt and choose to be together. That's all there is to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sort of longish for no reason? And it might need some clean-up but I'm honestly too happy about the ending of ES to really care too much. ANYHOO yeah I'm just emotionally exhausted ugh
> 
> I'm also really embarrassed because I forgot to fix something and it was a glaring mistake but its gone now lmao

**i. all the time in the universe**

Before Makoto has the chance to wake up, Haruka climbs out of his bed, finds his clothes, and slips them on before sneaking out the door. He's not planning to go back to Ebisu  at this hour, because it's almost three in the morning, but the air in Makoto’s apartment is stagnant and the heat is turned on too high so he knows he's suffocating. He runs down the stairs and sits on the curb of the sidewalk, watching his own breath materialize and fade in an instant, pondering the intricacies of what he has bluntly penned, _Makoto and Haru._

It has been approximately four hours since Makoto's asked the question, and it won't leave Haruka's head even after spending a long-awaited night with him.

 _'So you think we're going to make it, then?'_  

Haruka knows that things would have been simpler if they were together like this in high school. He imagines their younger selves, kissing on the way home. Makoto would probably have an arm around him as they walked by the beach. He imagines holding hands with him under the water, a secret from all the others, and leading him up the stairs to his room where they probably wouldn't leave for the rest of the night. Makoto would tell his mother, _'I'm sleeping over at Haru's,'_ when they both knew they'd be doing more than just sleeping. Haruka would probably still take a bath, but it would be a significantly _shorter_ bath, because he'd be too antsy thinking about meeting Makoto in his sheets.

 _All the time in the universe._ He smiles a little bit at the scenario before huddling up in the cold and shaking off his thoughts.

Haruka figures he should crawl back into bed, back to Makoto, before morning comes. He gets up and finds that Makoto’s already waiting by the front door, hair a mess and his face flushed because he’s just gotten out of bed. He yawns as he holds a hand out to Haruka.

“You’re really going to freeze out here.” Makoto says with a sigh.

Haruka takes his hand without a word and lets Makoto lead him up the stairs. 

“I thought you ran away,” he says jokingly, but Haruka knows there’s a hint of truth in the way he says it.

Haruka shakes his head and only holds onto his hand tighter. “I wouldn’t,” he says. He wants to add the words _not anymore,_ but the lump in his throat blocks the words from coming out.

"You couldn't sleep?" Makoto asks, as they make it back to his apartment and he takes out his keys to unlock the door.

"No." Haruka says. "Your apartment is too stuffy."

Makoto opens the door and leads Haruka inside, where they both take their shoes off. Lining up their shoes next to each other, Makoto's feet are a little bigger than Haruka's. He just notices that Makoto still likes wearing orange trainers, even though this pair is obviously newer. Haruka stares down at the pairs for a moment, but Makoto notices anyway.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

Haruka shakes his head. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."

" _Haru_." He says firmly.

"Do you really want to know?" Haruka says.

"Yeah." Makoto nods.

"I..." Haruka begins, gulping down the pesky lump in his throat. "I don't want to live apart anymore." 

Frankly, Haruka does not want anymore distance. That's all there is to it. They've lived through enough of it for the past two years, and he isn't about to spare any more time. He thinks of the two pairs of shoes, just sitting together by the front door, and then he thinks of sharing a kitchen and a bathroom and a bed. He thinks of walking to the station with him in the morning and coming back home to him at night. Or maybe Makoto would come home to him, depending on schedules. All he knows is that he could have Makoto in a way that was even more intimate than what they had in Iwatobi. They still had separate homes back there, after all.

"I want to live with you." Haruka continues.

Makoto could call Haruka home, and Haruka could call Makoto home. These are the thoughts that Haruka has at three in the morning.

"Together?"

" _Yes."_ Haruka is starting to get annoyed. How clearer could he be about this? 

"Who would go where? Your place or mine?" Makoto asks. It's obvious that he's both excited and terrified and flabbergasted. Haruka guesses that is all _sort of_ terrifying, moving in with someone of this much significance, but one of them has to remain calm about things.

"We'll figure it out." Haruka says.

Makoto cracks a smile like he's been holding this back for years. He covers his mouth with his hand before lowering it altogether. He looks happy. 

"Are we really doing this?" Makoto asks. His voice is still unsure, but there's a hint of lightness that signals hope. A cautious, careful hope. "You want to be with me?"

"I want to be with you." Haruka says this in his quiet voice, but with undeniable clarity.

Makoto just picks him up in a hug, squeezing him so hard he's almost got Haruka off the ground. Haruka thinks that no one should be this happy at three in the morning.

 

 

**ii. a housewarming**

It takes another two months for them to decide on a new apartment, but they think they've found the perfect arrangement. It's not in either Ebisu or Asakusa, but somewhere in between, and they have to take separate trains in the morning, but otherwise they are happy about the location. There's a shopping center near by, a park across the street, and most importantly a community pool that's open year-round.

The apartment itself is a basic one-bedroom, with a fairly spacious living room that can fit a four-person dining set, a television, a coffee table, and a couch. The bathtub in the bathroom is too small for Haruka's liking (mostly because the two of them can't fit in it together) but Makoto says they're lucky enough to even _have_ a bathtub in the first place. The bedroom fits a desk the two of them share and a queen-sized bed pushed up against the wall. 

"You bought too much mackerel again!" Makoto laments as they get out of the elevator.

"No such thing." Haruka says plainly. "I'll eat it all."

"Oh, believe me, I _know_ that." Makoto laughs.

The two of them are coming back from the supermarket with a week's worth of groceries. As Makoto fumbles around for the keys to their apartment, Haruka thinks about dozing off in the bath and making dinner before he has to go to work tomorrow morning. That'd be a nice way to spend the evening.

Makoto opens the door and a blur of people jump out at Haruka with streamers and balloons. Haruka nearly screams, genuinely astonished, and almost drops his groceries to the floor. Shaken, helooks to Makoto, who doesn't look one bit surprised. He shows Haruka a warm smile.

"I couldn't resist." Makoto says. "They all wanted to visit."

Haruka doesn't say anything. He just shoots Makoto a glare that reads, _'I'll kill you later.'_

Makoto's face, more worried than anything says, _'Oh, please don't.'_

Rin drags the both of them inside while Nagisa pops out of the kitchen with pizza. Rei is sitting by the coffee table, seemingly examining the place to see if the decor matches up to his and Nagisa's apartment like its a competition. Sousuke's by the window, quietly sipping at what looks like a cola, as Gou is telling her stories about managing her university's swim team.

Makoto takes the groceries that Haruka has, probably a small apology for inviting everyone over, and goes into the kitchen with Nagisa to put everything away. Haruka just sighs as Rin outs an arm around him and huddles close.

"So you two are finally _a thing_ , huh?" Rin asks. "Not long ago, you were brooding on the beach because you got into your first fight. How times have changed." He snickers a little after that and slaps Haruka on the back. 

"Shut up." Haruka says with narrowed eyes. He can feel his face go red. 

"Well, it's been a long time coming." Rin says, showing his shark teeth in a wide smile. " _Makoto and Haru_. Sousuke and I should race you guys."

"That's enough." Sousuke says, still leaning by the window. "I've still got rehab, dummy."

"Who are you calling a _dummy_?" Rin retorts, clicking a tongue and marching over to Sousuke, accidentally bumping shoulders with Haruka to get to him. Haruka can tell this whole evening is going to be one commotion after another. So much for a peaceful night in the bath.

"Haru-chan!" It's Nagisa. Haruka turns around and nearly falls head first into a pizza pie staring right in his face. Stepping back, Haruka can read what's written on the pie, in squeeze-bottle mayo. 

 _HARU + MAKOTO FOREVER._  

There's even heart-shaped pepperoni scattered on top of the cheese.

Haruka shoots another glance at Makoto, who's waving his hands behind Nagisa in surrender.

_'Yeah, you're a dead man for sure.'_

 

**iii. water pressure**

 Haruka comes home later than usual, his face still numb from the cold outside. He can barely feel his fingers, which feel like they're going to fall right off his hands, and he decides he'll go straight for a nice, warm bath before eating dinner. There's not a trace of Makoto anywhere in the apartment, so he assumes he's still out too, until Haruka really listens to the sound of rushing water coming from the bathroom. Makoto must be in the shower. 

He sighs. The landlord has a policy against excessive water usage so a bath is out of the question. Haruka shrugs, strips off his coat and shoes, and most importantly his clothes, opens the door to the bathroom, and nearly scares the life out of Makoto, who still has shampoo in his hair.

" _Haru!_ " They must have seen each other naked dozens of times by now, but Makoto's always the one to blush about it. He looks really tempted to cover himself with the shower curtain. 

"I'm coming in too." Haruka says bluntly. "Water conservation."

And Makoto just laughs and welcomes him, reaching out to Haruka with a soapy hand.

 

 

**iv. new tenant**

Haruka doesn't despise the cat, but he doesn't consider himself a big fan, either.

It was Makoto's idea, bringing him back to the apartment. Makoto's always been good with cats so Haruka has always figured they'd get one sooner or later, but it's only been two months since they've moved in and already this tenant has made himself welcome. They haven't named him yet, because Makoto wants to find the perfect name, but Haruka doesn't care either way.

Haruka suspects the cat doesn't like Haruka much either, but sometimes they look each other in the eye like they have some unspoken agreement. They'll get along, as long as it makes Makoto happy.

But currently, Haruka just wants to tell the cat to scoot. He's been sitting on Makoto's lap for the last hour like he _belongs_ there, and his tricky little glances back at Haruka just annoy him to no end. It's like he's taunting Haruka.

 _'Whatever.'_ Haruka thinks. 

There's no use getting jealous of a cat, but that doesn't stop Haruka anyway.

 

**v. one of those long, hazy nights**

One of the many perks of living together is, _well_ , the sex.

Makoto always starts off carefully. He presses into Haruka with barely-there kisses, holding his hand to Haruka's face as he inches closer to Haruka on the bed, cautious and thoughtful. He enters the bedroom like the usual gentleman he is, and Haruka does appreciate his long and sultry entrances, but mostly it's because he's only bracing himself for a side of Makoto that no one else will _ever_ get to see.

The first sign of that sort of change arrives with the first use of tongue. Makoto suddenly dips in with deeper kisses, pressing right up against Haruka's naked body with his own. Then he really starts to use his hands, running his fingers against Haruka's sensitive skin before groping him full on. 

Haruka feels his breath grow shorter, a sign that the night is going to be more than soft kisses and lazy make outs.

The second sign comes when Makoto gets on top of Haruka and starts whispering dirty things into his ear. Haruka's not much for dirty talk himself, because it involves the notion of _talking_ during an act that's already so embarrassingly vulnerable, but he doesn't mind it when Makoto does it.

" _All night_." He says, a little mildly this time. "I'm going to have you all night, Haru."

Haruka wraps his arms around him and engulfs him with a longing kiss, pressing his body upward, against Makoto's. They both already have erections at this point, since it's been almost a week since they've done anything sexual, but a little more play can't hurt. No, it never hurts too much at all.

"Mm." Haruka moans out. He never means to make these sorts of noises, but he can't help it when Makoto's like this. Makoto only rolls over so he's the one laying on the bed, hoisting Haruka up by the waist with both of his hands so Haruka's sitting right on Makoto's hips. Haruka leans over and kisses him more, putting his hands all over the other boy's chest as he's doing so. 

"I...I want you." Haruka can barely breathe out. Makoto reaches out to touch Haruka's erection, but Haruka just shakes his head and crawls further down Makoto's body until he finds himself in between Makoto's thighs. Haruka kisses Makoto down there, softly at first, before taking all of Makoto into his mouth. He starts a steady rhythm, smooth and with a pleasing amount of tongue. A few muffled _mm's_ escape Haruka's lips, and the hum of his voice just vibrates against Makoto's shaft.

" _Ah."_ Makoto moans. Haruka can be just as much of a tease as Makoto is. The brown haired boy momentarily returns to the usual Makoto for a moment, a little shy and totally _weak_ for Haruka, laying back and saying his name like it's the only word he knows. _Haru._

 _"Haru..."_ Makoto says. "Let's just..." He can't focus enough to find the words, with Haruka working so diligently with his mouth. _"Ha..."_ Before Haruka knows Makoto's about to come, he eases off and sits up, crawling back up to kiss a frazzled Makoto on the lips.

"Let's go." Haruka whispers to Makoto. He can feel how hot Makoto's breath is against his.

With that, Haruka knows the _hungry_ Makoto has returned. He takes Haruka by the shoulders and gets back on top of him, getting in between Haruka's legs and kissing him voraciously. Haruka can feel Makoto throbbing against him, and it such a good feeling already, it's _electrifying_ , but he knows that more will come.

"Hurry." Haruka urges.

Makoto understands and reaches quickly for the first drawer of their nightstand, getting a bottle of lube and squeezing some out onto his hand.  Makoto searches for the opening by spreading his fingers all along Haruka's groin, teasing him to no end. When he finally makes it there, he sticks a finger in slowly, then another, which just makes Haruka press his face into the pillow with heavy sighs.

"Are you ready, Haru?" Makoto asks into Haruka's ear. Haruka is too flustered to say anything, but he nods weakly to make sure Makoto gets the message. _'I want all of you,'_ the thought repeats over and over again in his head.

With that small amount of affirmation, Makoto goes into kiss Haruka once more before laying on top of him. Haruka spreads his legs for him more, cocking his head back on the pillow in short and shuddering gasps as Makoto enters him little by little, slow and steady until he's completely in. Makoto's breaths are shorter than before and he looks like he's struggling to compose himself.

" _Makoto_." Haruka pleads as Makoto starts thrusting in and out, but not too quickly at first. Makoto has managed to regain enough composure to kiss Haruka's neck as he starts to pump in just a bit faster, and all Haruka can manage to do is claw into his back and take every bit of him. The feeling of Makoto inside Haruka is a strange sensation, one he still can't pinpoint: it's a mix of slight discomfort and pleasure and electricity and fullness, all in one instant, and he just wants more and more of it.

"Ha...ru." Makoto breathes into the nape of Haruka's neck. 

"Harder..." Haruka insists. He's embarrassed at how much he wants Makoto to just dig into him, and Makoto complies with quicker thrusts, deeper and faster.  Haruka grabs onto the sheets and closes his eyes shut, feeling the heat of their flesh press together. Haruka is completely enthralled at this point, and it just feels like their bodies are on the verge of melting into each other.

"Haru...I...love you." Makoto says first, in between each of his movements. 

" _Ah...I..._ " Haruka can't finish his sentence. At the exact moment the word forms on his tongue, he knows he's about to come. His body jerks upward and he knows he's really about to lose control. He grabs ahold of Makoto as his thrusts get as deep as Haruka's ever felt them.

"Haru...I'm..." Makoto pumps in with three final motions, slow and deep and hard. He collapses right on top of Haruka as he can feel the heat fill him up, which only makes Haruka come too. Haruka lets out one last moan, breathy and finished.

The two of them just lay there for a moment, still full of sighs. The silence between them is comfortable and warm. Makoto goes to kiss Haruka gently, too tired to do anything else. He rolls over and just lays on his back for a moment, trying to subdue the smile on his face, but Haruka can see it without a problem. 

Haruka turns over and snuggles up to Makoto. Makoto puts an arm around him and brings Haruka even closer.

"Makoto." Haruka calls out to him, his voice slightly muffled because he's resting against Makoto's chest.

"Mm?" Makoto says, half asleep.

"I thought you said _all night_." Haruka says in a bit of a huff.

Makoto sighs. "Are you really going to hold me to that?"

"You said _all night_." Haruka insists.

"You're ridiculous." Makoto just laughs and engulfs Haruka in a giant hug. Haruka does the same, and soon they're back where they started at the beginning of the night. Haruka knows they're just going to end up going at it again, but this time they spend a little more time kissing, slow and sleepy and relaxed. They've got all the time in the world, anyway.

 

**vii. dearly beloved**

 In the morning, Haruka wakes up face down in bed, with the blanket half covering him. He reaches for the other side, expecting to feel the skin on Makoto's back, but the bed is empty and cold like he hasn't been there in a while. With a yawn, he just figures Makoto's gone to take a shower or make himself breakfast, so Haruka decides to lay there for a while, really trying to shake himself awake. There are still remnants of a dream he remembers having during the night, and he knows from the lingering warmth that's it's one he should recall.

Haruka turns over in bed and finds Makoto at the door, holding a tray of breakfast. Haruka can smell grilled mackerel. He instantly perks up and Makoto just smiles at him, setting it down on the bed. There's two pieces of toast on the tray as well, along with two glasses of juice.

"Good morning." Makoto says, kissing Haruka on the head.

"You cooked." Haruka says, a little surprised. Cooking their meals is usually under Haruka's jurisdiction, while Makoto does all the cleaning. But Makoto just shrugs and looks a bit shy about it.

"You seemed so peaceful sleeping like you were, but I figured you had to eat something at some point."

Haruka pokes the mackerel with a chopstick. "You burned it a little."

"Hey! I tried!" Makoto laughs. "Want me to feed it to the cat?"

"Oh, shut up." Haruka says.

"I'm kidding!" 

Haruka smiles at Makoto, when he notices the book under his arm. Makoto's probably got a test to study for later, and now he feels kind of bad for keeping him up all night. Makoto notices and just shakes his head. 

"It's okay." He says to Haruka. "Every night is worth it, with you."

Haruka just averts his gaze, suddenly feeling the heat rise up in his cheeks. Makoto just has a gift for saying mushy things like that, and Haruka has almost forgotten that with how much he's been initiating their little moments lately.

"How'd you sleep?" Haruka asks.

"Oh, just fine." Makoto sighs. "I really do like the spring breeze at night. Kind of reminds me Iwatobi."

"Mm." Haruka says with a nod. He can almost smell the salt water. 

"How about you?" Makoto asks.

"Well enough." Haruka answers. "I think I had a dream."

"Can you remember it?" 

Haruka shrugs. "I was...with you, I think." More of it comes back to him. They're in Tokyo too, in this dream, but they're two years younger. Then Haruka remembers, and it makes him just a little sad.

"We came to Tokyo together. No two year wait." He drops his food and remembers the bliss he felt in that dream. It pulls at him like a small pain, and regret just bubbles up to the surface. It's a regret he says he'll never feel again, but he can't help it. Two years is a long time to go without someone. 

Makoto just takes Haruka's hand and leans over to kiss Haruka. He doesn't have to say _it's okay_ , because Haruka knows it is now.

"We're here now, aren't we?" Makoto asks.

Haruka just kisses him back, and he holds it a little longer than usual.

"Yeah." Haruka whispers back. They're together, and that's all that matters.

After traveling all those endless skies, the moon knows he finally has his sun.

"I love you, Makoto." 

_"Haru!"_

And he's not afraid to say it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of this fic! I'm pretty happy with how it turned out overall (since it was my first and all) but nothing can top off what I watched today in episode 13. By no means was it perfect (I still don't really like how they approached Haru going pro AT ALL) but all the MakoHaru definitely made me happy. Their exchange in the beginning of the episode? Their heart to heart? THEM GOING TO TOKYO TOGETHER? It just made me want to stop writing my own fic because I couldn't have asked for a better ending for them. (Even though we didn't get a hug, but that's okay. THEY'RE TOGETHER AHHHHH)
> 
> But the last scene is kind of a play off the real ending, but all matters is that they're together in Tokyo at all EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL UGH I'm sorry I should be more composed but whatever
> 
> Anyhoo. I'm not sure if I'll write another fic at this point because I'm so emotionally exhausted about Free! in general. Who knows? I have two long bus rides at the end of the week so I might if I have nothing to do? Who knows who cares all I know is that MakoHaru is canon and I can sleep easy tonight ayo
> 
> Also I dedicated the last section name to the song of the same name, because anyone who's been following this fic knows my obsession with the song "dearly beloved" so yeah cool


End file.
